Post: #11

IF it were me, I would just use a spray of Evolve only to the chest before bed.

And since she's Asian, you might get away with just Cohesion when you go to bed to help her relax.

TESTING is the only way you get answers for sure. TEST.

Post: #12

I would also suggest you try one thing/one mix at a time since you are sleeping together.It could be weird to change signatures so often, she might learn it, subconsiously, and try to ignore her feelings.If you want sex try evolve, if you think it's too heavy for the situation of you two put cohesion first.

Post: #13

You need to ignore/stop the outbursts as a first step. Don't argue with them just change the subject or leave. do not tolerate any behavior you would not tolerate from a good friend (especially with no apology) is a good rule of thumb.

Post: #14

(01-14-2014 11:10 AM)pharoahman Wrote:  You need to ignore/stop the outbursts as a first step. Don't argue with them just change the subject or leave. do not tolerate any behavior you would not tolerate from a good friend (especially with no apology) is a good rule of thumb.

I almost said that yesterday, but now that you've opened that can:

Yes, tell her to stop acting like a spoil brat! It's your wife, and unless she has all the money and owns the house, you need to be rubbing and feeling and kissing and squeezing, or she can go sleep on the couch. In fact, I think you need a new wife and some balls. Thanks, Pharoahman! I needed that!

Now that I've gotten that off my chest ... Come on, Thenns! Are you really happy with someone who tells you NO LOVE, NO SEX? To me that says she doesn't LOVE you, and if she use to love you, and she's saying that, the chances are it's over. Man up, and make her shit or get off the pot. And that's not just about sex, that's about everything! Smiles, laughing, touching, kissing, squeezing, THE WORKS! My two cents, and not a penny more. GOOD LUCK!

Post: #15

i lost my 30mL Xist and 30mL XS111 when i turned in my rental car in Orlando. Arrrgh. I even called and told them to hold them for me in the lost and found. After losing my bottle of A314 2 weeks earlier, I just throw money in the toilet.

Thenns,
you need to take that MBTI test, and have your wife take it too. Tell her that you are trying to figure out how you can better communicate to her that you love her. I have found that when my wife is stressed she will snap at me about the next thing that might annoy her. If i try to fix that 1 thing that annoys her it does no good. It was the other 5 things that are on her mind that are stressing her out, and no matter what I do it is just irritating to somebody who has a heavy burden of 5 stressful things on her mind.

Try asking her what might be stressing her, then ask what else might be stressing her, and what else...

This approach has helped me diffuse a few situations after I read a book about it .

Also with the MBTI thing. The book "Please understand me II" by Kiersey tells how different personality types need different things to feel good. The chart on page 62 has a list that show what is important to each type.

the following categories are what will cause stress when they feel that they are in jeopardy of maintaining their Self Image:

Self-Image [ for: Artisan - Gaurdian - Idealist - Rational ]
Self-Esteem - Artistic - Dependable - Empathic - Ingenious

Self-Respect - Audacious - Beneficent - Benevolent - Autonomous

Self-Confidence - Adaptable - Respectable - Authentic - Resolute

As you can see, the idealist category will yearn for romance and prize recognition. If you are in a different category, you will not understand how these needs are met in the same way as your wife. [see image below, or chart on p62 of book].

Post: #16

(01-14-2014 1:53 PM)MMM Wrote:  I almost said that yesterday, but now that you've opened that can:

Yes, tell her to stop acting like a spoil brat! It's your wife, and unless she has all the money and owns the house, you need to be rubbing and feeling and kissing and squeezing, or she can go sleep on the couch. In fact, I think you need a new wife and some balls. Thanks, Pharoahman! I needed that!

Now that I've gotten that off my chest ... Come on, Thenns! Are you really happy with someone who tells you NO LOVE, NO SEX? To me that says she doesn't LOVE you, and if she use to love you, and she's saying that, the chances are it's over. Man up, and make her shit or get off the pot. And that's not just about sex, that's about everything! Smiles, laughing, touching, kissing, squeezing, THE WORKS! My two cents, and not a penny more. GOOD LUCK!

Ouch. That kinda of hurt. lol. But the truth hurts anyway. Thanks for reminding that.

Lets just say that I see a faint light at the end of the tunnel in my situation and I am not giving up at the moment.

Post: #17

I didn't want to go there first, someone already did.

Nothing wrong with being a nice guy, ever. If that's who you are, definitely stick to it.

But, never, ever, ever let her walk all over you with you playing nice and trying to appease. This kills attraction, and once the attraction is dwindling, they know how to use you and the love follows suit.

I feel your pain, I really do. Not with a wife as I was never married, but a girl who I was with for many years. If I knew what I know now, I'd probably still be with her.

Diffusing outbursts is easy. Do not tolerate it. Walk away without saying a word. Saying "This isn't my fault and I feel like I'm being made to be the instigator here". Or something along those lines depending on the situation. Don't put any blame on her, or say "You are blah blah blah" to her. Never use the word "You" and some kind of action together. State your feelings. It allows her to think about it, and with women being emotional beings, understand what you're trying to say.

I'm all for being nice. I'm a nice guy myself, even to a fault sometimes. But a guy who lets a girl walk on him, is THE surefire way to be an attraction killer. It shows to her without either of you sitting back and thinking about it that you do not value yourself as a man, a lover, and most importantly, as a human with feelings.

Effective communication boils down to three things.
1.) Expressing how you truly feel without any blame or negativity
2.) Caring about their feelings, but not holding yours back.
3.) Not being attached to a specific outcome. If you are, you'll hold back what you think might prevent that outcome.


Her not making love without love isn't something bad. She's expressing her feelings, and it seems like she wants out, so make it happen. I'm all for you working for it (Seriously, have at it!), but know when to call it quits. Sometimes even the thought of losing their rock or the one they have been with for a long time makes them go "Oh shit...."

/rant for now. I could keep going.

As for the mones. They're secondary in this situation. Mindset and actions are where you need to prioritize as I'm sure you're already aware of. Your questions though.

1.) is this persistent? It will feel cool as it is alcohol evaporating.
2.) Mone cloud happens right away. You just atomized them straight into the air and on you. Detection is how aware you are of how you feel. If your not relaxed, this is easily missed.
3.) Cover scent doesn't really bring out the properties to the other people. What it does is make them notice a nice smell, which they pay attention to. Then the magic happens without them "Noticing the mones".
4.) Not sure about oily skin. But, if I would hazard a guess, make them diffuse slower and be longer lasting.

Post: #18

(01-14-2014 9:34 PM)JayD Wrote:  I didn't want to go there first, someone already did.

Nothing wrong with being a nice guy, ever. If that's who you are, definitely stick to it.

But, never, ever, ever let her walk all over you with you playing nice and trying to appease. This kills attraction, and once the attraction is dwindling, they know how to use you and the love follows suit.

I feel your pain, I really do. Not with a wife as I was never married, but a girl who I was with for many years. If I knew what I know now, I'd probably still be with her.

Diffusing outbursts is easy. Do not tolerate it. Walk away without saying a word. Saying "This isn't my fault and I feel like I'm being made to be the instigator here". Or something along those lines depending on the situation. Don't put any blame on her, or say "You are blah blah blah" to her. Never use the word "You" and some kind of action together. State your feelings. It allows her to think about it, and with women being emotional beings, understand what you're trying to say.

I'm all for being nice. I'm a nice guy myself, even to a fault sometimes. But a guy who lets a girl walk on him, is THE surefire way to be an attraction killer. It shows to her without either of you sitting back and thinking about it that you do not value yourself as a man, a lover, and most importantly, as a human with feelings.

Effective communication boils down to three things.
1.) Expressing how you truly feel without any blame or negativity
2.) Caring about their feelings, but not holding yours back.
3.) Not being attached to a specific outcome. If you are, you'll hold back what you think might prevent that outcome.


Her not making love without love isn't something bad. She's expressing her feelings, and it seems like she wants out, so make it happen. I'm all for you working for it (Seriously, have at it!), but know when to call it quits. Sometimes even the thought of losing their rock or the one they have been with for a long time makes them go "Oh shit...."

/rant for now. I could keep going.

As for the mones. They're secondary in this situation. Mindset and actions are where you need to prioritize as I'm sure you're already aware of. Your questions though.

1.) is this persistent? It will feel cool as it is alcohol evaporating.
2.) Mone cloud happens right away. You just atomized them straight into the air and on you. Detection is how aware you are of how you feel. If your not relaxed, this is easily missed.
3.) Cover scent doesn't really bring out the properties to the other people. What it does is make them notice a nice smell, which they pay attention to. Then the magic happens without them "Noticing the mones".
4.) Not sure about oily skin. But, if I would hazard a guess, make them diffuse slower and be longer lasting.

Blimey! These are really some good advices. I have been telling myself that I do not need her and not to let her outbursts affect me like they used to. Tricky part is that we have children and this makes it even harder. But I do feel a lot calmer in recent months and will persist at the end. Consistency I guess is the key thing here.

Anyway, back to the topic and thanks for your answers and insights.

Post: #19

To be clear I wasn't advocating leaving the relationship. I was advocating that you don't tolerate being walked on. You don't have to have a big confrontation. Do as JayD suggests: communicate how her action makes you feel, that you understand that she feels that way, then leave the room if she continues the behavior. It might get worse before it gets better as she will try to gain the upper hand. Do not apologize for that which you do not believe is wrong.

I think everyone learns this the hard way. I did from an Ex. And it hurt bad, but I grew from the experience.

Other forum members have recommended this.

Might be a good read for you; it opened my eyes. You may not want your eyes opened. Up to you.

Post: #20

(01-14-2014 10:36 PM)pharoahman Wrote:  To be clear I wasn't advocating leaving the relationship. I was advocating that you don't tolerate being walked on. You don't have to have a big confrontation. Do as JayD suggests: communicate how her action makes you feel, that you understand that she feels that way, then leave the room if she continues the behavior. It might get worse before it gets better as she will try to gain the upper hand. Do not apologize for that which you do not believe is wrong.

I think everyone learns this the hard way. I did from an Ex. And it hurt bad, but I grew from the experience.

Other forum members have recommended this.

Might be a good read for you; it opened my eyes. You may not want your eyes opened. Up to you.

Got the book and is reading it. Damn the book actually write my life story!