Post: #1

Well, most of you probably know that I don't often date girls my age, and usually end up with girls in their 20's.  It's not that I don't want to date women my age, but every time I try, it always ends up being a waste of time and with me walking away with a wounded ego!   Here's why!

My only real opportunity for meeting women is in nightclubs, because I work from home and my developers are in the Philippines, so I don't really have co-workers or an an office environment in which to meet others, and I'm not really into hobbies or other things that would have me interacting with others on a regular basis.

So, my social environment is pretty well relegated to Red River.  And, every time, let me repeat that...EVERY TIME I meet a woman my age and we seem to be hitting it off, by the end of the night when all the 20 something year old guys that had been striking out all night and are desperately looking for someone to hook up with, will start eying the women my age and I end up getting blown off for one of them!

Last night was no different.  I'm sitting in my usual spot when 2 women come up and stand right next to me.  I've seen them at the club a number of times before and one of them is very attractive, and somehow she always ends up right next me to or very near, but I never tried talking to her because they've always been there with this guy, who is gay and really flaunts it.  I don't have anything against gay people, but that guy made the guy from Will and Grace look completely hetero.

Well, last night he wasn't with them, so I put my hand on her shoulder and ask "How is it that you always end up right next to me"?  She says "Because you're beautiful".  I respond by telling her that she's not half bad herself.  Anyway, we get to talking and I find out she's 41 years old, but really looks to be in her early 30's or so, and we seem to be hitting it off.  We've got good bit off KINO going and things are going quite well.  I got her phone number early on, gave her a bit of a massage, got a couple of pecks here and there, etc.

I end up hanging with her all night, and didn't make any attempt to meet or talk to anyone else.  

Then the 1:00 AM desperation hour rolls around and some 20 something year old dude starts hitting on her friend, and she turn and starts paying attention to him and all but ignoring me.  Then just a bit later another young guy walks up and starts hitting on her, and it's game over for me.

That doesn't happen with girls in their 20's.

I don't know if it's that the women who are my age feel flattered by being hit on by young guys, or that the younger girls tired of dating guys their own age.  But I know that the 20 something year old girls are not going to blow me off for a younger guy come the end of the night! 

This seriously happens every time I'm with a woman my age!  Yet early on in the evening these same women will look at me like I'm a cradle robber if I'm talking to a 25 year old and even make snide remarks.  But, by the end of the night they have no problem shoving their tongues down the throats of 20 something year old, drunk, horny guys!

I remember reading awhile back that women in Dallas were the most materialistic in the country and maybe that has something to do with it, maybe not, but I've not run into this in other cities! 

So, as long as I'm living in Dallas and can still get girls in their 20's I'm not wasting anymore time on women my age! 

Unless maybe I can meet a 40 something year old hot looking school teacher at Starbucks or something! 

Post: #2

(12-20-2009 5:29 PM)mark-in-dallas Wrote:  I remember reading awhile back that women in Dallas were the most materialistic in the country and maybe that has something to do with it, maybe not, but I've not run into this in other cities! 

Maybe location has something to do with the materialism but I know guys from Cally and other parts of the county who say the same thing about the women there.

You could say the same thing about some men only being interested in hitting up the prettiest women. It all depends on what you want to capitalize on.
Dollars for Beauty...or...Beauty for Dollars. Sad but true.

Personally, I got together with and married Wolf for love. Yes, he had a good job and a nice place to live. However, so did I. If he didn't have as good a job or as nice a house, I would've still been attracted to/interested in him because of who he is. Money can buy things and definitely makes life easier but unless you invest in an electric blanket or wool coat, it ain't gonna keep ya warm at night. Call me weird/crazy but I'd rather be in a plastic lined box with my Wolf than under a cashmere comforter with anyone else.

I also think it may be the venue in which you meet these women. My feeling is that you need a change of scene.
 
If you don't have money and want to meet a nice girl get a puppy...or volunteer somewhere. That impresses the hell outta women. Or...take a class...or a cruise...lol. 

Mark Wrote:So, as long as I'm living in Dallas and can still get girls in their 20's I'm not wasting anymore time on women my age! 

Maybe you should try dating two 20 yr olds at a time...

Mark Wrote:Unless maybe I can meet a 40 something year old hot looking school teacher at Starbucks or something!   

Well, first you'll have to actually go to Starbucks...

Also, I might mention...there's no crime in liking, being attracted to and preferring younger women. 

Whatever, whichever...make yourself happy, Cowboy!

And call me if ya ever need me to babysit.


Bella
XOXOXOX

Post: #3

I agree with you both,  I think its more the environment your meeting these women in.  I have never felt clubs/bars were the best place to find a serious relationship minded person.  Clubs/bars generally scream go out mingle and have some no strings attached fun whether is sexual or just socially.  There is nothing wrong with that of course. 

I dont know if I told you this but I know a  few others know.  Long time ago, Gosh over 18 years ago.  Goddess I am getting old LOL............   I had a side business as a life coach that ended up being mostly people looking for a soul mate in there lives or s sex coach.   No I didn't teach them to have sex haha. They never found lasting relationships in clubs and while I had them practice socialization in clubs/bars to become more confident and comfortable when it came to actually looking for that mate I would have them join social groups or clubs, take classes and frequent places that truly spoke to their interests.


The only interest people have in clubs is hooking up. Most people are so focused on that they dont look below the surface to really get to know a person.  I know from your personality your not like that which sort of leaves you in a tough situation in that environment.

First thing you need to do is find out what speaks to your heart.  What do you love to do ?  Other then hanging out with me and Bella LOL  

Then check your area for functions that have to do with that interest. There has to be some that dont cost a arm and a leg like a cruise.  

I am not saying to stop going to clubs.  You need to get out since you work at home but open up your selection by exploring new avenues as well. 

Or like you said date 2, 20 year olds  

Tisha
 

Post: #4

I totally understand where, you're coming from, Mark. I have lived in places where it is really hard to meet other people, and the only easily accessible social places are either churches or bars. If you are not a church-goer, then that only leaves the bars.

Pereonally, I have never gone to a bar to get laid. I go to get out, have fun and meet new people. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but the whole one-night-stand thing really turns me off, I would much rather meet guys who respect me, want to take the time to get to know me, and aren't trying to rush me into bed.

There must be women your age in the clubs who feel as I do, you just haven't run into them yet

Post: #5

A computer-savy gent might consider one of the giant databases like match.com, e-harmony, etc. Then finding the desired sub-population becomes a search problem.

I only found one person of interest through such a search, but she was a good one and I'm still with her.

This is a different approach from joining social clubs, etc. Essentially more nerdly and to-the-point.

Post: #6

I can symapthize with what you are saying Mark. There is no law that prevents 40 and 50 somethings from mixing and mingling with 20 and 30 somethings. If you enjoy the company of younger ladies and the more mature ladies are enjoying the attention of the younger guys...I don't see a problem. The biggest problem I see is that with age difference can come a difference in where the 2 individuals want the relationship to go.

I was very lucky to meet someone who although younger than me shares very much the direction I am wanting my life to go in. There is something she said very early on that impressed me to no end and is something that everyone should keep in mind. We were talking about past relationships and being in love. She told me that she didn't want to be in love with anyone, that she wanted someone who was committed to loving her and whom she could commit to loving. Love is not a state, it's a process. For someone who is seeking a relationship, I say, look for someone to share the activity of loving with. Not for someone to fall in love with, it's too easy to fall right back out.

On the subject of cruises...if you are a single person over the age of 25 and you want the time of your life with a fun group of folks...consider a singles cruise. It's the best (and surprisingly inexpensive since meals and transportation are included with your room) vacation you'll ever take, and yes you can meet someone doing so.

Post: #7

It actually kind of makes sense for that sort of thing to happen.

Older women = lower fertility = higher attraction to younger (and therefore more fertile) men.

Younger women = higher fertility = less attraction to fertility/more attraction to stability (status) which in men tends to increase with age.

The only way around I would think is to meet women outside of the club.

Post: #8

I agree with Tisha that other venues besides a club would serve you better for looking for a Long Term Relationship, but the advice below is geared towards clubs...

Why wait around in the bar with these women until "last call" so they can be picked up by the young guys? You see IOIs, get her outta there and eliminate the 1AM competition!

Also, maybe you're going a little too slow? You're going smooth and easy for hours and these guys swoop in, ready to make a decision and the women go for the guy who (appears to the gal) knows what he wants. Maybe you've been warming the gals up when they were ready to go to begin with and wanting their cowboy to pull the trigger?

I may be off, but I'd like to believe that they'd have left with YOU, if you'd have asked them first.

...And reading through your journal, Mark, I realize that this post is like Woody Allen explaining the birds and bees to Warren Beatty...

Post: #9

When I used to go to the bars a lot more often than I do, I actually ran into this problem quite often until a friend of mine pointed out exactly what you wrote.  Yeah, it did help being more direct.

(02-01-2010 2:01 PM)Robby Wrote:  

I agree with Tisha that other venues besides a club would serve you better for looking for a Long Term Relationship, but the advice below is geared towards clubs...

Why wait around in the bar with these women until "last call" so they can be picked up by the young guys? You see IOIs, get her outta there and eliminate the 1AM competition!

Also, maybe you're going a little too slow? You're going smooth and easy for hours and these guys swoop in, ready to make a decision and the women go for the guy who (appears to the gal) knows what he wants. Maybe you've been warming the gals up when they were ready to go to begin with and wanting their cowboy to pull the trigger?

I may be off, but I'd like to believe that they'd have left with YOU, if you'd have asked them first.

...And reading through your journal, Mark, I realize that this post is like Woody Allen explaining the birds and bees to Warren Beatty...

Post: #10

I can't believe I missed this thread. I've seen the same thing happen since I started hitting night clubs... Not with myself since I already have a lady friend.. but with buddies and other guys my age I see in the clubs. Before i got with my lady friend I always felt kinda strange about approaching ladies in their 20s or seemed to be... But then I saw what Mark has described and though what they hey..
My lady friend isn't in her 20s but she is 9 years younger than me...

(02-01-2010 2:01 PM)Robby Wrote:  You're going smooth and easy for hours and these guys swoop in, ready to make a decision and the women go for the guy who (appears to the gal) knows what he wants.

Robby, your comment above made me laugh because I made a similar reference last night to my buddies when we saw this exact thing happening all over the night club. Older guys my age shmoozing women their age, buying them drinks, etc.. and then these older studly hungwells swooping in... At one point it was very blatent what had happened right in front of us and I laughed and said to my buddies "Holy shit!!! These young guys now a days are like frikin kamakazis.. swooping in and bombing the crap out of the older guys and swooping away with the spoils of war" LOL.