Post: #1

Hi all, this is my first post (I hope you guys don't mind this being a long one). I just recently discovered this forum and decided to register after reading some posts. I'm from the UK, asian and in the mid 20s.

I do apologize if this is not that well written, as English is not my first language.

Here's my scenario/story:

I went into a relationship with my girlfriend (Chinese, early 20s) 10 months ago. She lived just opposite my flat, we started to meet up often, I fall for her over time, and one night while we were chatting I became brave (I'm quite a shy guy and never been in a relationship before, but I consider myself as being matured) and spill out my feelings towards her. She said that she, too have feelings towards me. We started.

Things weren't smooth at first, she felt that I didn't really chase her, and said that maybe she doesn't love me as much as I do for her. Though discouraged, I worked hard, as a result our relationship spiked up within a month. She went for a trip for few weeks, and we terribly missed each other. After she came back we were on fire. During the following few months, we had fun, travel, laugh, kissed, make out, and shared everything together. We were very happy and she told me she liked me more and more, day by day. We said "I love you" and "I miss you" all the time. We spent almost every minute together. I truly felt that she loved me and we were deeply in love.

Summer came and we had to go back to our own countries for 3 months. The first month she missed me terribly, we skyped very often. I called her everyday despite of how busy I am with my placement. Then here comes July where she started her internship. She started not picking up calls. I can fully understand because she just started and was being busy. We still chat at night. Two days later she said that she suddenly felt that there's a distance between us. She lost the spark for me. She said that after busy working for a whole day she feels tired to have to chat and type and she just feels like doing her own stuff. I got really upset but I said I understand and promised to give her some space. She couldn't sleep after that, came online again and told me that not that she doesn't love me, it's just that she wants her own time to do the things she like after a day of work. She always care for my feelings and if I'm upset, she will be, too. She's a sensitive person and she knows me well, so everytime when i'm upset she will be too. After a week cooling things down we talked about it again, and managed to get back again.

One night in mid August, I came back drunk but I still chatted normally and went to bed. Next morning I woke up with a text 'will you still be my friend if we break up?' It was my last day of work and it hit me so hard. In our following texts she said (the hurting starts) that she had been thinking whether she truly love me or not. She felt really happy when we spent our time together, but she didn't really have the 'touch' factor deep down (don't know how to express this). She agreed to be with me in the first place was because that night when I proposed it was so touching and never a guy did that to her in the past. Overtime she 'liked' me more and more, but she thinks that wasn't 'love'. I asked her if the past few months was fake, she said that she gave her whole heart, asked me not to doubt it. She said she just feel that she doesn't love me THAT much. She wants to cool down and said that will communicate less often until she come back to the UK, else she will be confusing herself.

She wants to slowly get the feeling back when she comes back, and want us to just go naturally and don't keep on pressurizing on things like whether she love me or not. She says if by then she still have no feeling towards me only then she'll make the decision. She just want everything to flow naturally. She enjoys freedom, and a relaxed relationship, not a heavy one. I admit that due to insecurity I had always been asking her whether she loves me and will doubt her love towards me whenever something happened between us.

We were maintaining basic conversations for the next two weeks, until last Friday. I was helping her to select course units and she got frustrated and became grumpy and fierce. I said it's okay and I felt sorry for not doing more research before actually telling her. She said it's ok, went to sleep but came back shortly. She said she's worried about me because she was abit rude. I told her I can understand because of our current status and her current feelings towards me. But sometimes I'll still feel sad.

She went to bed, but couldn't sleep the whole night as she was bothered and started thinking here and there. We chatted but it still did not calm her down. She started to ask me, if we break up, can we still live together? (We will live together for this academic year) If we really break up, I hope that we can still live together normally, eat and shop together, just without this layer of relationship? I said that I feel that you kept on mentioning about things happening after break up, it's like you're so sure that we could not work out. She replied, yes, maybe. She didn't know things could turn out differently, she said maybe through time she discovered she doesn't love me that much. It's not fair for me. She said that 'I feel that I don't love you, now. I don't know whether things will change to a better side when I go back, but I do know that we can't go back to where we were and what I feel for you.

I felt really upset and asked her, is she really unhappy and really troubled. She said yes, with my heart broken to pieces I said let me say it then, let's break up! She asked if we can still be friends, I said I will try my very best. She thanked me for coming into her life and she really felt that I care for her every feeling and really do love her. She cried. I acted as if i'm okay and said that I'll continue to support her and be there for her. I hope that she will find relief and feel better.

She came back 2 hours later, saying that she's actually heartbroken too. Breaking up with me wasn't a relief which she initially thought it was. Thinking that the inner war within her has ended, the excruciating pain came and she felt like she can't breathe. She said she can't let me go. But she has made a decision, and no one can change it. Asked me not to be too sad and wants me to know that she's not a cold-blooded person.

She was very sad and kept on thinking about us, for the next 12 hours. Then she became okay! Like so fast! That night she managed to sleep as well.

The next day I basically did the wrong thing by asking her to come back, things like you previously said that we can start all over, you can't know until you try, since we can work out in the past why not now, etc. I think it pulled her away further. She said that she thought things can change when she comes back, but actually it wouldn't. If she have had the true love feeling for me would have happened long ago. She just doesn't love me, and that she agreed us being a couple is because of that touching moment I gave to her when I proposed. All the while she knew that she didn't have this special 'touch' and she tried loving me, but she can't. She couldn't make a decision whether or not to tell me, and thought of only breaking up with me next year when we graduate. She told me we are not suitable for each other and she won't love me, things today wouldn't happen if she could. She wants me to not have anymore hope for her, let go and really hope to be friends. If not she'll move out.


Thanks for spending your time (if you're still reading), this is the first time i wrote up my feelings since our break up, so it's a little long-winded. I would appreciate any genuine advice (apart from asking me to look for other girls forget her etc, if I could I wouldn't have posted). I want her heart and love back.

Getting her back needs timing, I guess, as I can pressurize her no more. I know that I will really have to be friends with her for a while (at least giving her the impression) and act as if I'm over with it, giving her some space. (Or should I?)

She is coming back next Tuesday. I'll be going to the airport to pick her and I guess she won't reject a hug when we meet up. I was thinking, out of desperation, to have some pheromones on me (neck) to attract her attention and have some sparks for me. Then I will have her room tidied and will cook a nice meal for her. Should I try pheromones on?

Veterans out there, please help me. If I should give a shot on pheromones, which one is good? Some add ons to my personality, I have low self-confidence, not muscular (LOL but yea she often grumbles about this) and did not give her the 'manly' feeling which she can rely on in the past.
I read posts here saying that True Love for Men (do I need Copulin and should I go with Axe Kilo?) and Instant Gentlemen will be a good choice for Asian girls? Will they work? If not do you have any other mones (preferably spray) to recommend? Please consider my case written above before giving recommendations. Time is running short, postage from US to UK takes time as well.

Thanks for your time! ( I wonder how many will actually read my whole post I will probably faint )

Post: #2

Read your whole post and I'm sad for you and the situation you're in, I don't know what advice I can offer pheromone wise but I hope things work out when she gets back. Seeing her in person will probably help a lot, it's easy to lose that spark when you haven't seen each other for a while, so maybe things will be better when you're face to face. Best of luck to you anyway.

Post: #3

I'm still a beginner, but I think my advice will be useful for you.

First off, it's more you than it is pheromones. DO NOT be needy or desperate. You want her, you don't need her; if that's not the way you are, make sure you try to change that.
Second, I'm not sure, but I think it's okay to show interest. Just make sure that it's more along the lines of, I'm over you but I'm still interested instead of a "PLEASE COME BACK TO ME".
Third, on your hug thing. Try more thinking along the lines of, who cares if she wants or rejects the hug, she's lucky to get a hug from you and if she doesn't want it, her loss.

Now, onto pheromones. I believe right now is a bad time for you to attempt them. In your current condition, I believe you'll be too desperately looking to see if they work, and when that happens, you'll fail to match the signature you're portraying as well as causing it to not work or create a situation where you can't see that it's working. Pheromones aren't a universal solve all. Pheromones take time to learn how to use. In addition, they don't necessarily affect everyone you want them to, different people respond differently, some don't react at all. Also, you have to be concerned on whether the mone itself is compatible with you.

Now if you insist on attempting to win this girl back with pheromones anyway, then here'll be my advice. You will need a sexual or a status/respect pheromone + Androstadienone . The only sexual pheromone I can whole heartedly recommend would be PheromonesXS's Evolve. The status pheromone I would recommend is Alpha Dream's Corpo. Pick one of those then combine it with 60mcg of standalone Androstadienone (which can be bought from almost any company).

On the other hand, if you are willing to wait and learn pheromones properly, I would recommend starting off by getting any of the PheromoneXS products because they almost always give results and they allow you to start small ($25-$30).

Post: #4

I'm new the pheromones as well, and I'm not qualified to suggest this product over that product, but I can offer some advice.

First of all, I know you've already told us you can't move on - you can't go after other girls. However, sometimes indirectly showing a girl that you can do better than them or seemingly forget about them (date other women for a bit) will get their attention. If it's too hard to think of it as moving on, then see it as a tool to regaining her interest. It sounds like your person isn't used to being taken out of her comfort zone, and neither are you. The break-up you describe shows that she isn't really sure about her emotions (to the point of capriciousness), and you've said that you have very apparent, stifling insecurities. I'm only offering advice here, but have you considered that the both of you need to experience more of life's trials mature emotionally before you can really look toward a happy, sound relationship? Both of you are so scared of getting hurt, it seems. I'm no expert, but I think that even with pheromones, you're in for a rocky experience until you accept and act upon the fact that there are worse fates than failure, such as being tormented by what could have been, but never had a chance to be.

It's tough, but you need to actively deal with your fears, otherwise they'll kill the opportunities in life. If you still harbor the insecurity of not being truly loved, even with a pheromone product, then that insecurity will be what people see, not some phero-aura.

Post: #5

Just like DG and Fishcake have just posted, it's very unwise for you to try Pheromones at this point in time. Trust me when I say, and you can read my journal to for proof, nothing good comes out of it when you start using Pheromones to lure love back, nor when she gets exposed. Things become a whole lot messier my friend. It's definitely not what you wanted to hear, and I know that because when I looked for advice I tried in all my power to just say "these guys don't know what they're talking about, MY situation is different", the fact is, these guys know what they're talking about, and they know what's good for you in the long-term. Besides, when hearing the same thing from everyone, you start questioning if what you're thinking is actually right. So think with a clear head bro.

Chances are, if changes in her attitude are really that sudden - she may have found herself a new guy that fits what she wanted in a guy (you mentioned something about her not feeling protected).

Give her more space than she wants, and I'm talking about to the point where she asks herself what is going on. You'll be able to tell this by the way she looks at you when you see each other. If you have low self-confidence, pick that motherfucker up, and be the most confident you can be, before attempting any sort of relationship. For help on that stuff, read AS3's journal, and look for the link for subliminals. It's a gradual change over time. Make new friends, preferably girls, and widen up your social circle.

I've been in a very similar situation to yours, and I'm still friends with the girl. It's better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all. Corny, but it's true. I appreciate the fact that we still are friends, even though things are sort of rocky between us. And at the end of the day, do you just want her as a gf, or would you rather appreciate her in your life?

Post: #6

I avoided posting anything last night, because I knew the only things I could tell you would be things you didn't want to hear. So, I'll now post to say that the advice you've been given is pretty much exactly what I would have suggested and these guys are dead on.

Work on yourself before trying to win the girl back, or get involved with anyone. Until you can get over your insecurities no relationship stands a chance of lasting for more than a couple of months, max. I am truly surprised that you and your girl made it as long as you did.

It's not what you wanted to hear, but even you weren't comfortable in the relationship because of your insecurities, and until you are comfortable and secure in your own skin, no girl is going to truly be comforable either.

Post: #7

Hey Buddy,

You are not going to like what I have to say either but i think it's helpful for you to hear from a woman. She doesn't care about your feelings. She is delivering cruel news to you that is very hurtful and then using you to make HER feel better. That dynamic is unlikely to change particularly if you continue to cater to her. Listen to the guys. Make new friends. Get your own life. Treat her with kindness but like she is just any other person. If you are going to try Pheromones start with a social. In no way should you start with an alpha or a heavily sexual mone. You're just not in a place to use them yet. Check out the subliminals in As3's journal. Good luck sweetie. There are other girls out there. Get yourself ready for them. Don't give your ex ANY more power over you.

Post: #8

Ditto. If you ever want to have another shot with this girl, the last thing you can do is come across as needy, or clingy. Any display of affection or emotion when she returns will come across that way no matter how well intended. Be nice, be cool, be busy. Make some friends. The only way she'll want to come back is if she thinks she made a mistake in breaking up with you. That won't happen if you start trying to win her back. That will just push her away. She has to want to chase you.

Be happy, be nice, but be distant and busy either having a life, or making your life better. Most importantly, do these things for YOU. From your post, when she says she's concerned you feel more strongly about her than she does about you, that indicates you've been trying way too hard, and been way too free with your emotions too fast. Go hang with friends, focusing on you for a while. She'll either decide she wants to try again and make moves on you, or she won't. Either way you do what's best for you.

Post: #9

Hello friend, and welcome to this forum!

Lostlibra said it all. I think you are acting too clingy. You should enjoy yourself and stop thinking that everything that goes bad in your relationship is your fault. I know this is caused by your low self esteem, but you need to stop it.

Start to think about what you want as well instead of seeing only what she wants. You deserve happiness and love. You are worthy of those things, so why is she the only one reaping the benefits of your efforts? Why are you the only one giving yourself to this relationship?

Your focus here (as well as in all your life) is to be happy, to feel happy, not to be with X or Y or Z. I've been in your situation and I too hated to hear that. I'm not telling you to dump her, but you have to be willing to look at another options, in case nothing goes right with this one.

Anyway, if you are really desperate, it is very likely you won't even consider my advice. So, pheromone wise, before picking her up at the airport, masturbate at least three times and splash a couple dabs of copulins on your chest and lower belly area. Act a bit ( A BIT!! ) disinterested in her, don't go all groomed and shit, and again make sure you act a bit disinterested in her. That may spice things up a bit.

Post: #10

Time to chime in again: I fully agree with everything everyone has said so far, except for using copulins.

I avoided sayig this earlier, but it could be very significant and needs to be brought up. You never indicated whether you slept with her or not, but after 10 months and that you are or will be living together I would hope that the relationship progressed that far.

Regardless, copulins can suggest to women that you've recently had sex with someone else, and I just don't think that would go over well at all with this girl.

The asian culture places much greter significance on honor, dignity and respect than the american culture and if you were her first sexual encounter, and I suspect its possible and even probable, she may have well stayed with you to preserve her honor and dignity and tried her hardest to make it work, just for the sake of staying with you. And, if she felt that you immediately moved on to someone else, I can't see anything good coming from it.

And, if that does happen to be the case, any further pursuit on your part is almost guaranteed to fail and cause an additional backlash of anything she felt or tried to feel for you turning to resentment, for taking the only thing she only had to give away only one time.

I truly hope that you listen to all the advice that's been given and let this one go, unless and until she decides to reopen the door, and if she does happen to do so, I hope you've found enough self respect and security to make her realize that she's lucky to be with you.