Post: #11

You're right, Mark.

It's good that you brought some sensitivity to my harshness.

I just can't see a buddy suffering for a girl. Been there, done that, got deep scars...

:'/

Post: #12

Broken Hearted, you really need to change your username and stop thinking of yourself that way too, cause long as you think you are, you will be!

If you want to change it send me a PM with the new name you want to use and I'll change it for you. Might I suggest something like "NoWorseForWear", "GotOverIt" or "BetterThanBefore".

Post: #13

go for broke choose "BadAssMotherfucker"

Post: #14

Thank you everyone, really. Didn't expect to get so many advises over a short period of time! Honestly I felt better reading through them, and knowing that some of you have been there and know how it feels.

I will work on my self-confidence (it has been an issue for years!), and by the time she see me, and for the next 10 months we're living together, I promise myself to not ever show lack of confidence in whatever that I do.

As for the insecurity, I will not ever pressurize on my partner ever again asking stupid questions like why are you not missing me, do you still love me blablabla. Talked to her best friend few days ago and she too agreed that I was just giving her pressure and make her stressed out and start questioning herself.

Whether or not she has truly loved me, I do hope this time if she comes back to me, she will be touched seeing my changes and truly give her heart out. I know this will not be a short process given that right now, she just wants to be best friends with me.
I will try to control my emotions and try not to show her I'm sad or anything as it will just scare her off. Whenever she needs my help I'll be there, and I won't mention about things like 'we had good memories can we continue to build them' or things like that. If we ever start over, it'll be a new one.

Does that sound positive? I hope my actions can keep up with my words! Need you guys blessings on this!

Also, I just can't go out and flirt around and make new girl friends, that's just not me and she knows it, it would probably mess things up. But what I could do is to be confident and be a man, speak out and be there for her. Will this be better?

By the way, mark-in-dallas, we didn't have real sex in the past just making out, kissing and touching. We sleep together most of the time. But it's the first sexual encounter for both of us - Don't laugh you guys! I know I'm 24! (And in a week's time, I can only sleep in my own tiny little bed, thinking of her and missing those times we had in bed, how sad. Her body is freakin hot fyi!)

So should I still get some pheromones for her? Not to seduce her or anything but maybe giving her comfort and provide masculinity?

Once again, I'm truly grateful for your responses and advises. Read through every single word!

Post: #15

Hey buddy!

Glad to see you're more calm now! I think you have the right attitude now. Make sure to back your words with action!

As the guys have said, its not about pheromones, its about you. It's up to you to wear pheromones or not.

Be there for her: YES. Be there for her every second of the day, every day of the week, 24/7? I don't think so. Go out with your buddies, enjoy your youth (it will never come back) and of course, enjoy your girl. You just have to relax and enjoy the ride. Everything will work out just fine!

Post: #16

Ive been keeping tabs on this thread. You have received some amazing advice from some equally amazing people. Honestly the members here never disappoint when it comes to being genuine.

Im going to warn you now Im going to get a bit harsh but its for your own good man. It is meant in the best interest and is not a dig at you but I am going to use your last post as a bit of an example. You WILL lose this girl unless you dig your feet in. She has ALL the power in this relationship and you are madly in love with her. She will break your heart after she gets done pawing and playing with you. You focus more on this female than yourself and you are tearing YOU apart. Think she will pick up the pieces? Im going to take your last post and show u a bit of what is behind the curtain bro. Please do not read any further if you are sensitive..

Quote:Whether or not she has truly loved me, I do hope this time if she comes back to me, she will be touched seeing my changes and truly give her heart out.

NO. You do not need to change for anyone but yourself. Make it positive change but do it for YOU. Wanna know what girls who see guys change for them do? It rhymes with floormat. You change bc of your ambitions, screw changing for her. If you tell or let her know you changed for her she will not respect you. Let her find out on her own that you capitalized on your own ambition and she will see you in a different light. Promise.

Quote:I will try to control my emotions and try not to show her I'm sad or anything as it will just scare her off. Whenever she needs my help I'll be there

This is a contradictory statement you just made. DO NOT be there for her. Do you really think you can control your emotions all the while "being there for her" at her beck and call? You really want to let her read the magazine after she cancelled the subscription and gave you the lets be friends speech? Put that shit in a brown paper bag and tell her to wait for next months issue.

SCARE HER OFF. IMO that would be the best thing for you to do atm bc then you can get back focused on yourself and not her. Who cares what she thinks? You have to be willing to let her go if you truly want her back.

Someone once told me love is like a butterfly. Hold on too tight and you smother it. Hold onto it with an open hand. If it flies away let it go. If it doesnt come back then your hand is free for another butterfly. If it comes back.. well you have your own answer.
Hence why you are at the stage you are in now. Holding on too damn tight.

Quote:Also, I just can't go out and flirt around and make new girl friends, that's just not me and she knows it, it would probably mess things up.

Ahhh the meat and potatoes of the entire thread..
She has you and she knows it. She wants best friends? Want some guy real? Shes looking around and keeping you on the string. No guilt if she finds another bc you two are "just friends". Guess who gets hurt? I dont want that to happen to you bro.
Meeting new girls is my exact prescription for your dilemma. It would mess things up? man, Im gonna be Capt. Obvious here and say things are already messed up. Are you happy in this current union? You know the answer to this already. Whats there to mess up anyway? Her complete and total influence over you?

My suggestions and opinion only:
Let her go. She has way too much power over you. Love is a battlefield and shes winning the war of attrition. If she comes back.. cool. If not.. cool. Focus on yourself. Stop talking to her. Do not be her friend. Trust me please on this one, do not be her friend if you love her as something other. Do not do nice things for her.
Let her come to you. Respond only but playful and direct. Nothing more than a text or 2 and a 5 min convo each WEEK. Live your life not hers. She will respect you for this. Make your life more exciting irregardless of her. She will yet again respect you for this. Join a gym and exercise. The endorphins will help your mood and confidence. Sit down and write out some personal goals. Then write ways to attain them. Does she fit into any of them? Prolly not, so then she is useless in this regard. Go shopping. Get a new haircut. Sign up for classes. Get a new job. Meet and date other women (she will hate this btw and that is good) Change shit up. Treat yourself bc you deserve it. Do what makes YOU feel good, not her.

Bottom line. Forget the "who, what, when, where, why" concerning this female. Shift it over to yourself instead. She has too much power over you. Take your power back.

Post: #17

I agree with thundr,

but I need to emphasize that you should still be cordial toward her, especially if you are roommates. Otherwise, she'll just view you as vengeful and malicious. Merely be polite though, don't start talking about your day or go into deep conversation.

You need to start meeting other girls, and if you're worried that it will be obvious to her that your just being sneaky, well: fuck that, one of the points here is to make you not care about what she thinks. If you don't care, she'll take notice; you will neither seem nor be as needy. If you're uncomfortable just going alone with other girls, then pick them up or bring them to events with some other your other friends. It might be easier and help alleviate the fear of being obvious to your "friend" that you might initially have if you tried to solo it early on.

Post: #18

I'm completely in agreement with thundr! You've given this girl a level of control over you that NOBODY should give to another person, your every waking moment seems to be centered around making her happy. STOP IT!

Live life for yourself, and allow others to tag along only if THEY make YOU happy, not the other way around. You are responsible for your own happiness and shouldn't rely on anyone else to complete you.

Actually, if you feel you need somebody else to make you complete, you are doomed to repeating the relationship cycle that you lived through with this girl.

You've been given a ton of excellent advice from some truly awesome people, take advantage of it and watch your life improve by leaps and bounds, choose to ignore it and remain exactly where you're at, or slide deeper down the hole.

Its your choice! Now get out there and show us what you're made of!

Post: #19

BH, please understand. I don't want to speak for all the guys, but it's safe to say most of us have been in your shoes before in some way. We all know what it's like to be so lost in what we think is love that we can't imagine thinking about someone else. I know all too well how it feels to not understand why someone you feel a connection with doesn't reciprocate when you think you're doing everything right> I imagine we all had to learn these things the hard way. Google oneitis. Or better yet, read this article. Read it twice. Ignore the occasional reference to the material they sell. The meat of the article is what you need to hear right now.

---

Post: #20

read through this thread. I feel bad for you, bro. Been in a "similar" situation myself involving first love, 4 year long relationship, me cheating and an unborn child. Lot of shit, wont go into detail tho.

The guy who said u should change username is absolutely correct. Change it asap!

THe other advices in this thread about starting to think about yourself are really good.
Now is the time bro, you are free to become your own man. Do the things you wanna do. Hang out with
your bros, party, meet some girls, work out, learn an instrument, whatever the fuck you wanna do

What help me through the shit was to work out. It does wonders for both your health and confidence.
I would advice you to join your local gym and commit to getting in shape. There are probably also some hot girls there dying to meet new guys

Subliminals are also very good for your confidence. Like the other guys said, check out
"alpha male" and "Inner game" subliminals. Commit to put those two on repeat while you sleep.

As for pheromones I couldnt offer any good advice since I am new to this world. I can tell you
that LAID brand's paste and shampoo got really good self effects which makes you feel
more confident and energetic. Might be a good buy?

Hope things work out for you, my man