Post: #1

How do you guys polish your social skills? Do you think learning public speak can help with social skills?

Post: #2

(09-02-2017 7:21 AM)haggy Wrote:  How do you guys polish your social skills? Do you think learning public speak can help with social skills?

Just like anything else, get out there and do it. If you're socially awkward, start small. Start asking strangers for the time. Do it often. Then try to think of a follow up. "Hey, do you have the time? [she tells you the time] Wow, I like your watch/nails/earrings/bracelet/ring. [she says thanks] Gotta run!" and get out before you realize you should be afraid and holding up some wallpaper somewhere.

And if nothing occurs to you to compliment or follow up, RELAX. It's OK. Go to the next one and try again. The more you try, the more chances you give yourself to succeed and follow up. When you do follow up, high five yourself. Trophy earned! Challenge completed! Leveled up!

Once you're comfortable with that, keep adding on. Drop the excuse of asking for the time and just find a reason to talk to someone. "Wow this line is huge!" "Hot enough for ya?" "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" (OK, don't do that last one)

Post: #3

The key is to not be attached to the outcome. Stay loose, have fun, and don't be afraid to be silly or laugh at yourself.

If you've ever browsed a dating site, they all say the same thing... Women want a man that's fun and makes them laugh.

I agree with Oxford on commenting on their jewelry. It's an opportunity to open. Vice versa, women do the same thing, sometimes wearing a cool necklace will afford a woman the opportunity to open you.

Post: #4

I 've recently attended NLP-practitioner course. I should say that it is a great social and personal challenge. It teaches to overcome social fear and helps HOW to cope with almost any communicational problems. Strongly recommend.

Post: #5

(09-02-2017 7:21 AM)haggy Wrote:  How do you guys polish your social skills?

IMHO, the key to improving social skills is a combination of the following two things when interacting with people:
1. Being in the present moment, don't let your mind go off somewhere else.
2. Being completely relaxed

As someone who grew up socially awkward, practice didn't make perfect. I just got better at being socially awkward.

My improvements came when I took time off from socializing to train my mind with meditation. That helped me learn to stay in the present moment and to relax my body on demand. Easier said than done unless you were born with great social skills in which case this post will look like nonsense.

Post: #6

(09-02-2017 10:48 AM)RussianWolf Wrote:  Women want a man that's fun and makes them laugh.

I think "making her laugh" is not necessarily about having fun. At least for some girls, if she likes you then she will giggle or laugh around you no matter what stupid shit you say and how boring you are. Then she will say to her friends, "That guy makes me laugh".

If you are a really fun guy then girls who don't like you will laugh a lot too though. But that won't necessarily be helpful.

Just my opinion.

Post: #7

Social skills are improved by interacting with a variety of people as much as possible. Fail, fail, fail, and then you'll eventually succeed.

The entire PUA industry was built on one simple idea: Get guys out talking to girls.

They knew that if you do this enough, you'll eventually get laid. Everything else was just smoke-and-mirrors.

The NLP b*llshit is for nerds who (by definition) have very low social intelligence (see Mark Zuckerberg), and are looking for a binary system to increase it. The irony is that those guys think that other people can't see those maneuvers, when they're glaringly obvious. So much so, that they actually lower your social acumen just by performing them (see car salesmen). All attention is not the same in terms of value, and basic social-pressure (see peer pressure) is responsible for most of the "positive" responses NLP guru's claim to get from those interactions. Social anxiety also plays a role in this, and most guys never figure out how to get rid of it, so they're forever handicapped.

The highest levels of social intelligence are from people who are legitimately funny. If someone can make you laugh on command, they have hijacked your brain (see hypnosis), and forced you to lose control for a brief moment in a very enjoyable way. This does get tricky, however, because as social acumen plummets, so do expectations for comedy. Look no further than Kevin Hart to see a very successful comic, who's also not funny. His success has created a feedback-loop providing false information, leading him to believe he's a talented comedian, with no metric to prove otherwise.

Post: #8

throw yourself into the water and try not to drown basically
the beatifull thing is that you cant really drown in social situations, just be alittle uncomfortable.
the best thing you can do is to go alone to social enviorments and try to make the most out of them.
go to all kind of classes, bars, clubs and whatever. you will fill more occward not talking to people then you will talking to them no matter how bad you are and thus you will have a gigantic push to do what you know you should wich is to talk to people.
just remember the following:
-if you smile, people will generally like you.
-if you have good intentions twards people, they will sense it and embraces you, and will "forgive" lack of scial skills.
-many people are insecure about themself and afraid of new social situations so they will very appricieate youre efforts to push yourself.
-you are not going to die its just in youre head.
-learn to be comfrtable being uncomfertable.
-everytime you have a judgemental thought about you or other people, break the thought loop (many ways to do so), the more you judge other, the harder you are on yourself.
-eventually you will learn to let go and oh its so worth it. you only have one life, it dosent worth living in a cage inside your head. temporary pain and fear is better.
-some people are assholes but we love them too.

good luck!

Post: #9

The only way to get good at something is to do it.

Depending on the desired outcome, learning public speaking (your example) will help, as there is crossover in that skill set, but it is different than one on one speaking.

If you want to learn how to be 'one of the guys' then hang out with them and mirror their behavior in the beginning and allow that to flourish into your own unique style and posturing. If you want to learn how to socialize with ladies, then go out there and socialize with them, devoid of any end game except for learning how to be social with them.

Rather than walk out there with the goal of "I'm going to target one woman and get number today" try to just cold open 3 or more ladies and just get them to smile; then move up to getting her to volunteer her name; then up to her volunteering conversation, then her number; etc.

Studying the PUA techniques will help you somewhat, but the basic foundations won't really give you social skills, just teach you how to act and what to do and say to get into a woman's panties.

NLP is great for learning how to integrate intent, mood, and thought progression into a conversation; but while it does do well in helping you to get a thought-train moving in a particular direction; it falls flat if you lack the skills to get your target's attention and interest: that requires the social skills to be in place in the first place.

Your best tool in developing social skills is to go out there and just have the goal of having some fun. If you couple that with the attitude of not giving one single care about the outcome, you'll be able to chat up anyone, anyplace, any time, for any reason.

Myself, with a bit of background in psychology and a modicum of experience in hypnosis, I can say from a learned (and practiced) point of view that the techniques used in the PUA realm, as well as some of the practices in the NLP field have a decent foundation, but they lack certain facets that render them less effective (if at all) in the long run. that's just my opinion, but it is also based in my tenuous grasp of the actual disciplines they are based in.