Post: #1

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"This review is from: Pherone Formula D-17X Pheromone Cologne for Men to Attract Women, with Pure Human Pheromones (Health and Beauty)

By Billy Bob McRobert "Billy Boy" (Al's Trailer Court, KT)
December 30, 2010

5.0 out of 5 stars Worked Great, but not in the way I was expectin.,

First off, I oughta had read the label real careful before using it for the first time. "For external use only" was printed right there plain as day, so as fer complainin about the offectivity of this stuff I don't got much of a leg to stand on. I didn't have much of a pooper to sit on neither for a week or two until the swellin and numbness went away, but again I relize that was on me (or "in me" as the case might had beed). My pal Lucas Tubbs recommended this product. He sayed it'd get me "alot a tail", and well I just missunderstanded about the "tail" part.

I live close to the woods and I seen how offective farmones is in how them deer hook up. A buck and a doe can be near a mile apart but if one of them is sucretin them farmones they'll be sure to find one another and damn near kill each other costumatin their deer lust. It aint very romantic, and I'll admit it's even hard to watch at times, but that's what them bodily farmone chemicals do to them poor animals. So, I figure I'd be happy costumatin like an animal with some lady friend, maybe even gettin beat up a little bit in the process, and four go the romantics. As long as it's a lady friend though, I aint intersted in costumatin anything with anything but a lady. I aint even sure I want to costumate with a lady friend's butt, but I'm tryin to keep an open mind here seein as how I'm tryin this new sciencey approach.

So, I took a lesson from the biggest buck I know of in the wood behind my trailer. I like to call him Magnum ThunderThrust (I'm pretty sure that's what them injuns woulda named him). When he sees a doe, he takes it. When he sees another buck, he runs them off. That's how I was gonna be! Just like Magnum ThunderThrust. I figured he was my spirit guide, sent from the great mother spirit in the sky, ready to provide wise council for me on my journey to hook up with some bar hottie.

I put on a labial amount of the farmone before settin out for the bar. Now it was the middle of summer and hot and muggy as all hell. My license supsension was still in effect so I borrowed my nephew's dirt bike and headed off to town. By the time I got to the bar, I was drenched in sweat and I had spent so long hunched over peddlin that damn bike that I couldn't stand up straight. The sweat seemed to act like some kinda catolist or stink multiplier with the farmone, but I wearnt gonna let that stand in my way. I could see Magnum ThunderThrust in my head. He was urging me on with the patient yet athoritative intensity only seen in battle hardened war veterans, great leaders of nations, and NASCAR drivers. It was as if he were saying to me in his mystical deer spirit-language "Go on now, git in there and do yer thing".

So, I threw open the door and hobbled in completely confidented that at least three bar hottie would be leavin with me within the hour. I looked over at the bar and saw my first target: a pretty little blond what still had all her teeth. I knew she was a young one too seein as how her tramp stamp tattoo hadn't terned green yet. It was hard to see that far across the room cause I was still hunched over so I had to turn a little sideways and turn my head. I knew it was important to maintain eye contacts to reforce my persition as the Alpha Male, so I walked sideways with my head turned up over to the bar. I realize now that my walk probly made me look like that Queso-Moto fella from that movie "The Hunchback is not a Dame". That's probly what brought the bouncer over.

Skeeter is the bouncer and we go way back. Not just cause we live in the same trailer park, but we have also had our fair share of debates (some might call them disagreements or even arguments) in the bar. Our disagreements usually boil down to whether I can stay in the bar or not on any particular evenning. Usually, we can't find any carmen ground in the discussion and I wind up leavin (he's real helpful at that point though). Skeeter's not very open minded in our debates and I'm not sure we're ever gonna see eye to eye on that particalar subject. Still, I love him like a brother ya know. He's entittled to his opinions, so "to each is sewn".

Skeeter stops me in my sidways tracks and says "Billy, you soiled yerself again dintya?" I will admit that the labial amount of farmone mixed with copulus amounts of sweat did smell remarkedly simulous to the countless times that I had soiled myself in that very bar. I suppose that smell along with the fact that I was walkin hunched over with my legs spread apart lookin like I had a hefty load in my drawers was enough to make any right thinkin man deducticate that I had, in pointy facts, soiled myself.

I tried to maintain the Alpha Male flame-of-mind that Magnum ThunderThrust's spirit voice had set out for me. I knew that if I played my cards right I could still be the Alpha in the whole room, but it's hard to look all Alpha when yer getting carried outta a bar by yer feet and yer hair. At least Skeeter grabbed the long hair on the back of my head instead of the short stuff up top ... that woulda hurt alot werse. He'd been snackin on that bar peanut mix all night though and left a bunch of salt and crumbs in the best lookin part of my hair.

Here's where the story gets strange though: I hopped back on the dirt bike and started peddling fer home. Now if that were the end of my story I would say that this farmone stuff don't work at all and recommend that y'all save yer money for a more sure-fire lady-magnet like a Camaro or a meth lab. But, I have evidents that counterdicks any clames of inaffectuality of this farmone porduct: As I was peddling, I heard some rustlin in the bushes. It seemed to shadow me as I rode down the highway. I peddled faster. The shadow kept paces with me. I peddled even faster. I was almost at the entrance to the trailer park when who lept out of the woods, but Magnum ThunderThrust!

At first I was relived that it was him. I thought maybe he had come to share some inlightenned words of spirit-deer wisdom to help me learn from my evenning's foyer. Once he bent me over my nephew's dirt bike and started having his way with me though, I realized that this weren't gonna to be that kind of incounter. I can only dectuctate that this attack was due to the offects of the farmone because this type of behavior is way outside of both my and Magnum ThunderThrust's normal comfert zones.

There is a cuple upsides to the encounter though. Seein as how I had misapplicated the farmone product on my first attempt, I was all swollen and numb back there to begin with. So I didn't feel much and Magnum ThunderThrust probably enjoyed the Kung-Fu grip that the swellin provided. Don't get me wrong here, I would have avoided that sitiation if at all possible, but if it had to happen I'm glad it happened the way it did (kind of a win-win for the both of us). There's no stoppin the power of them farmones after all so "incest la vie" (as them English would say). I could tell we really connected on a spirtual level that night because he kept givin me these sweet little kisses on the back of my neck while he was goin to town on me. Either they was kisses or he was just lickin the salt and crumbs outta my hair. In the end (if y'all pardon the pun), if I had to be butt raped I'm glad that it was by my spirit guide and not some stranger or relative again.

The only thing I have left to say about this here porduct is that y'all need to stop spellin it with a "Ph". Ph is for fancy folk, spell it right! The folk what are gonna be buyin this stuff aint gradiated from MAT, so they don't need impressin with yer fancy spellin."

Post: #2

lolz all around. Farmones and thunder thrust; hahahaha. Saw the ending coming, but the whole off topic parts were funny.

Post: #3

That's pretty funny.

Post: #4

His other reviews are in the same vein and pretty fun too.

Post: #5

I dont member tellin ya u coud use my reeview. Too funny!